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13 is a weird musical

So I joined a musical program a couple of weeks ago and this was the musical we performed. I'm finally posting about it because god it has been a hectic few weeks.

This is a weird musical. I know, musicals have the craziest plots, but this one is just...Well, you'll see.

I'm talking about the original musical, NOT the Netflix version. The Netflix version changed the ending so that everyone became buddy-buddy, but the original script is WILD.

So "13" is about Evan Goldman, who moves to Indiana following his parents' divorce. He's determined to throw the best bar mitzvah ever and become the most popular kid in school. However, he realizes getting in the good graces of the popular kids is difficult. And thus begins an insane tale of friendship, romance, and 13-year-olds talking about "the tongue".

Yeah, ew.

So let me walk you through the original script, then the Netflix adaptation, and then you'll get my thoughts on this whole thing. But I will be using some pictures from the Netflix version because I need some visuals in this post. SO HERE WE GO.



The show starts off with Evan introducing himself, telling the audience about his life in New York, and explaining why he's leaving and moving to Indiana.

"Who'd have guessed Dad would meet a stewardess? Mom's depressed and her lawyers are mean."

The other characters then join in and sing about angsty teenage stuff and how stupid being a kid is:

"I wanna fly, wanna run, wanna drive!/Wanna get my braces off, wanna get my nose pierced, wanna grow my hair long, but all I keep hearing is-

'No, you're not ready! No, it's not time yet! No, it's not right now, wait until you're older!'"


Evan arrives in Indiana and meets his next-door neighbor, Patrice. She sings about how boring the town is and also her new friendship with Evan.

"It's the lamest place in the world, but I'm pretty sure, it's not as lame as before now that you're here."


Brett is the most popular kid in school, and he sings [using the cringiest lyrics ever] about how he wants to get together with his crush, Kendra (who's also a popular kid).

"I gotta (x4) get witchoo/I wanna get up all in yo' bidness, girl"

If anyone says this to you, RUN.

So Brett and Kendra flirt for a bit, Kendra's best friend Lucy gets jealous because she likes Brett. Woah, love triangle, fun...

So Brett wants to kiss Kendra, but his friends can't come up with a good date idea. Evan, in an attempt to befriend them, suggests they go to the movies because:

"She'll get terrified, inch her way closer, open her mouth to scream and your tongue will just get sucked in with the jet stream!"


But Brett likes it, and Kendra says yes [to Lucy's dismay], and BAM! The popular kids like him and he invites them to his bar mitzvah. There's just one tiny problem.

The popular kids hate Patrice and say they won't go if "the nerd" will be there. Panicking, Evan chooses his new friends over Patrice, who's now humiliated and pissed at him, yikes.


Archie is Patrice's friend who sometimes uses his disability to get him what he wants. Evan asks him to use this advantage to get them tickets to a scary movie, which was R-rated.

However, he wants something in return--to get a kiss from Kendra.

And if you've been paying attention, you'd know that this would be a problem because Evan's already set up Kendra with Brett.



Lucy sings a song about how she's going to steal Brett away from Kendra ("Opportunity" my favorite song from the musical) and reveals she's a terrible person (no one's surprised, she's a mean girl lol)

"But since it's Kendra that he asked, and there's nothing to say. Unless I scheme and I plot till she's out of my way."

The other cheerleaders tease Lucy for being jealous, which is true. Then Lucy tells Kendra that Brett only asked her out to the movies to do "The Tongue" with her, which is also true.


So now, everyone is getting ready, they've got their tickets, Brett and Archie are BOTH excited for their kiss with Kendra, Lucy is trying to talk Kendra out of kissing Brett, Patrice is there hoping Evan will apologize.

Kendra is sitting between Brett and Archie, with Lucy sitting behind them. And when Brett AND Archie go in for a kiss AT THE SAME TIME, Lucy pulls Kendra away and they end up kissing each other. YIKES

Everything goes to shit, everyone blames Evan, and through this chaos Lucy decides to swoop in and kiss Brett, WHO LIKES IT. So they start dating, Kendra's upset, and Patrice and Archie are both mad at Evan.


As expected, Lucy is a horrible girlfriend. Controlling, toxic, and argues with Brett all the time, which distracts him from Football practice. The football team sing about how Brett's been hypnotized by Lucy because of the kisses.

Eventually, Evan convinces Brett to apologize to Kendra, and they actually get together. The popular kids agree to go to Evan's bar mitzvah. But Lucy's mad, and she starts spreading rumors about Kendra cheating on Brett with Evan.


Lucy tells Kendra to thank Evan since he convinced Brett to get together with her. So the two of them talk behind a Dairy Queen and they end up hugging, which was the exact moment Brett walked in on them, courtesy of Lucy.

Lucy and Brett get back together, he yells at Evan again, and Evan ends up telling them to fuck off and he and Patrice make up. Archie comforts Kendra, but she runs away when she sees it's Archie. So, Evan realizes popular kids suck and sticks with his "loser" friends.

The show ends with him telling the audience how his bar mitzvah went, his family and real friends were there, and it was actually pretty good.


I guess the musical teaches kids that popularity doesn't matter because your true friends with love you no matter how "cool" you are. HOWEVER, what the actual fuck?

Maybe it's just me, but 13-year-olds I know aren't participating in this insane love square battle for friendship or whatever. I mean, they had crushes and "boyfriends/girlfriends", but not to this extent.

No 13-year-olds talk the way Brett and his goons do. They talk like perverted middle aged men catcalling a teenager. It's gross, it's so gross. And although I enjoy drama (lmao theatre joke) this was just insane and unrealistic and I don't think the people who wrote this actually knew how kids talked.

NOW, about the Netflix version-


The show follows the general plot, with Evan trying to become popular and getting the popular kids to come to his bar mitzvah.

The show changed the ending, with everyone forgiving everyone and sunshine and rainbows and whatever. They also changed some character's motives and that kinda changes the plot as well.


The Netflix version didn't really mention Evan's dad cheating on his mom. He just said that they got a divorce, and his mom got custody and they moved to Indiana. One of the plot line is that Evan wouldn't answer his dad's calls.

At the end, Evan's dad goes to his bar mitzvah and all is well because he's not a cheating scumbag.


Lucy was still a contriving bitch who ended up stealing Brett from Kendra, but there were lyric changes in "Opportunity" which made her more sympathetic.

Netflix portrayed her as a character who only did the things she did because she was always in Kendra's shadow. Though, she does acknowledge that she's awful.

"I'm tired of being second-best to my best friend.

So she's smart, and she's pretty, and she's nice-Oh hey, I'm smart, and I'm pretty and I'm...anyway"

Lucy makes Evan's job even more complicated by telling him that if Kendra and Brett end up kissing, she'll make sure that no one goes to his bar mitzvah. So Netflix Evan has 3 struggles: get Brett and Kendra to kiss, NOT let Brett and Kendra kiss, and stop Archie and Kendra from kissing.

She doesn't start the conspiracy about Kendra and Evan, and is actually happy for her friend at the end. She and Kendra make up, btw, which does not happen in the original show.


In the Netflix version, Brett and Archie did not accidentally smooch. Instead, Patrice snitched and their parents busted them for going to the R-rated horror movie.

Brett blames Evan for this, which becomes a plot hole because he could've just said it was Patrice's fault.

Side note, Netflix Patrice is fucking annoying, she actually snuck into the movie with everyone else in the original show.


As I've mentioned, in the Netflix version, the ending is a lot happier. Kendra and Brett end up together, the girls make up, and everyone goes to Evan's bar mitzvah.

I don't think this ending was as good as the original show, where the popular kids all get pissed. Even though there was the stereotype that popular kids are mean and shallow, but it kinda worked because it played into the lesson at the end.


He played the Rabbi. Josh from Drake & Josh played a rabbi in the Netflix version wtf

I guess whatever happened on Drake & Josh made him fucking Jewish. Idk I never actually watched the show lmao


Thirteen was written by middle-aged people who assumed that's how 13-year-olds act, which...No. When I was 13 I was just depressed and watched Youtube everyday, not taking part in whatever reality TV show this was.

Netflix kiiiinda butchered it, they changed the whole ass ending, which I didn't like because why? Isn't the whole point that (despite the unrealistic stereotypes) popular kids are mean and true friends don't care about that.

"Opportunity" was a slap, though. The girl who played Lucy in the Netflix version is pretty and I'm gay for cheerleaders.

ALSO, the original musical had Elizabeth Gillies AND Ariana Grande in it??!?! I'm meant to believe that they did this show together THEN did Victorious together, and that that was a coincidence? YEAH I THINK THE FUCK NOT

ALSO, also, Brett (the guy on the left holding the yellow guitar) looks hot in this thumbnail. I get why Lucy and Kendra simped for him so much, if the guys I knew looked this good I would jump in the love triangle chaos too wtf

(im not a pedo im 15 i can say teenagers are hot, ok i am one. i didnt need to justify this but jic because the internet is weird)

Thirteen is unrealistic but there was a plot which was confusing but fine, the moral was okay and the songs were okay. It's just a very average musical in my opinion, kinda underrated but it's not a great or life-changing or anything so...maybe that's why.

But, I had fun doing the musical during summer. I wanted to be Lucy, but I became one of Brett's jock buddies somehow. I made friends, it was a fun experience, not because of the musical but I'm writing a blog about it so like ehhhh

and this took me three weeks because i became an insomniac and life is hard but thank you if you made it this far, share it with a friend, and i hope you liked it :)


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